


When you aren't looking my way

by kehlani



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Smut, a whole lot of miscommunication, smut only on chapter 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 05:38:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17843501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kehlani/pseuds/kehlani
Summary: It shouldn’t have surprised him, at least he thinks so. Because Daniel is the new thing in town, he’s all those things Jonghyun is far from being. He’s tall, sporty, good with animals and even all the teachers seem to love him. So when he sees Minhyun cupping Daniel’s face and kissing him after his long Starbucks shift, he definitely should have seen it coming.He also shouldn’t have felt as hurt and small as he did, but Jonghyun seemed to fail in many things.





	When you aren't looking my way

**Author's Note:**

> finally adding to the 2hyun agenda!!!! english not my first language so i apologize for any grammar error;;;
> 
> please support nuest ot5 comeback im mid march!!!!!!!

It shouldn’t have surprised him, at least he thinks so. Because Daniel is the new thing in town, he’s all those things Jonghyun is far from being. He’s tall, sporty, good with animals and even all the teachers seem to love him. So when he sees Minhyun cupping Daniel’s face and kissing him after his long Starbucks shift, he definitely should have seen it coming.

He also shouldn’t have felt as hurt and small as he did, but Jonghyun seemed to fail in many things.

 

The next time he sees Minhyun is during lunch break the day after. Minhyun with his loud and pretty smile, Minhyun whose eyes become little crescents when he smiles and Minhyun whose hand is being held by Daniel, whos right there smiling as beautiful, if not more. He decides to pass this time, choosing a much more calm place to eat, because he had some homework he still hadn’t done, not because his heart was clenching and his throat felt dried down, right?

Aron spots him somewhere during lunch break, and doesn’t hesitate to sit next to him and initiate a conversation, that’s how Aron always has been anyway.

–You’ve heard the news? Minhyun and Daniel are a thing now–Jonghyun nods and feigns some sort  of surprise, he isn’t keen on lying, and by any means he is a good actor, but he’s too tired to go through and explain what he saw yesterday, and besides, he’s sure Aron likes the idea of introducing him to some juicy gossip.

–Daniel’s a good kid after all, and he’s handsome too, right? I guess it was about time.

This time Aron hums in response, it’s no denial they've talked about how handsome and amazing Daniel was before, he had been there barely a few months, yet he seemed to have been the topic of conversation for everyone at some point.

 

They stay there in a comfortable silence, Aron just on his phone, most likely messaging Minki, and Jonghyun focusing on his homework, or at least, pretending to. So when Minhyun kneels down next to him, it goes completely unnoticed for both, until he softly pats on Jonghyun’s shoulder.

Jonghyun is bad at hiding his surprise, dropping his notebooks and pens in the ground, Aron does much better though, just nods and smiles as if this didn’t surprise him that much.

–Jjuya where did you sleep yesterday? I didn’t see you at the apartment and you didn’t reply to my messages, I thought about calling but maybe you’ve had been busy.

And it’s not like he isn’t right, he was busy crying his lungs out, he was busy feeling miserable and useless in Dongho’s apartment, while the later tried his best to comfort him, but he guess he should go with a more fashionable answer, not really ready to confess his little pathetic heartbreak to Minhyun any time soon.

–I was with Dongho, you know, catching up, it was late so I stayed to sleep, also might had have my phone off I don’t really remember–He tries his best to smile, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes, however it seems to be enough to fool Minhyun, who smiles back at him.

–Ah, I see, next time should have called. Maybe leave a message? I was worried you know. 

He knows it’s irrational and he knows he should do better but he can’t help but snicker at his remark, making Minhyun completely take a step back. He stands up, not much in the mood for a nice lunch conversation and gathers all his things right into his bag. Once he’s sure there are no more pens scattered around he gives a silent bye to Aron, ignoring Minhyun’s expression, who looks utterly confused.

There’s a big chance he’ll regret this, hell he might even regret it now, but talking to Minhyun isn’t something he feels like doing today ,or any time soon that is; Even though, he’s sure he would most likely not be able to avoid the conversation tonight at their apartment. He wishes Minhyun forgets about it, he’s sure he won’t.

Luckily he’s spared of more classes for the day, going straight to work where Minki would be as well.

 

Minki is this easy going kid who seems to have everything figured out in life. He really doesn’t seem to worry much about what others would think, and he definitely doesn’t care about little things. He’s seen his hair change about 6 times since he’s known him, ranging from his natural dark hair, to a pink bob he sure felt it was too much even for him. However that was just how Minki was, unreadable and refreshing, sometimes Jonghyun wishes he could be a little more like him.

Minki greets him like always, a loud big hello that surprises all the customers and makes their manager glares at him. Jonghyun offers a small smile and goes directly to get his apron. 

–Why the long face? No offense but you look terrible. 

And there it was, it wasn’t really easy to hide things from Minki, being the perceptive, person he was, something Jonghyun was far from being.

–Didn’t have the best of nights, some crap happened, you know? Ah and I had boring morning class too–he hopes he sounds convincing enough, because while he wasn’t lying, he doesn’t feel to go into much details.

–Minhyun right?

Jonghyun just sighs in defeat, he really should have seen it coming.

–You know Daniel right? The new boy from Busan? Well so yeah he’s kinda a thing with Minhyun now, just saw them making out yesterday, wasn’t my favorite thing ever to witness–Minki pouts in reply and pats his shoulder, he really can’t offer much more comfort than that, and as much as he knows Jonghyun’s feelings for Minhyun, he was pretty sure the latter never shared them. 

–Well why don’t you go and date Seongwu? I’m pretty sure he’s asked you a plenty of times, and besides, he’s not bad looking you know? Would make a pretty hot couple if i say so myself.

Jonghyun finally laughs for the first time since yesterday and it feels refreshing, that’s the kind of effect Minki had in people. To be fair he didn’t particularly disagree with dating Seongwu, both shared interests and had a few classes together, so he knew he was a good boy, but he was too focused thinking he and Minhyun would be a thing at some point that he just hadn’t paid any attention to him.

He felt a headache coming and sighed in defeat, too many new things to reconsider now, and he’s sure he would have to deal with an unpleasant conversation he wasn’t ready for tonight. However he tried to snap out of it and focus on work for the rest of the afternoon, ignoring any kind of thoughts about him as he was sure it wouldn’t do him any good.

It was futile, Minhyun didn’t leave his mind for the rest of the shift.

 

 

When he returns to his apartment he’s not surprised to see it empty, Minhyun does have a piano class after college so he’s probably there, he tries to ignore the coil that grows when he thinks he shares that class with Daniel and they probably would hang out after, but it’s to no avail, he’s mad now. He just wishes that for now, Minhyun isn’t in much of a mood when he comes back.

Surprisingly Minhyun is indeed calm when he comes back, more stressed if anything, but he thinks he could work with that.

–Jjuya you should tell me if I did anything wrong you know? We’re friends I thought we were sincere with each other.

–As sincere as you dating the new boy and not telling me about it?

Damn it, he hoped he wouldn’t snap as fast but there it was, and Minhyun was as shocked as if going by his current expression. Confident he could make it out without snapping or sounding more resentful than intended he sat down, looking straight at the other, who still didn’t even take his coat off.

–Why would you say that Jjuya? You know I would have told you eventually, besides I wasn’t that sure myself and I didn’t tell anyone, people just figured it out themselves.

Jonghyun lefts a big sigh, a long one at that, and tries to focus on anything else but the sudden need of yelling at his best friend or crying right there and now, which he was still rational enough not to do in front of him. He sips his water in oddly silence and waits for his mind to process a decent comeback, which umfortunelay doesn’t happen, so he opts for his second best option in that moment, make a run.

He stands up and leaves the glass on the small kitchen counter, fully knowing Minhyun is following his movements and staring, but he’s too tired to continue this so he goes straight to his room, completely silent trying his best to ignore how his heart aches when Minhyun calls his name with a shaky voice.

 

He doesn’t care.

He shouldn’t anyway.

  


The next day, much to Minki’s passionate encouragements, he does talk to Seongwu, in fact, they talk during the 5 hours of classes they share together, in which he realizes, they have much more in common than he thinks.

Talking to him also helps him gets his mind away from yesterday, or Minhyun for that matter. Since yesterday fight they didn’t even talk in the morning, Minhyun did leave much earlier than him for once so he didn’t have the chance to see him. Messaging him didn’t even feel right so Jonghyun just pushed it aside, he’ll eventually fix things, he knows.

When it hits lunchtime they decide to go to a chinese restaurant close to college, where it wouldn’t be as busy as the cafeteria and they could talk more comfortably.

Jonghyun doesn’t have afternoon shift that day so he can relax and spend a little more time together.

 

–I can’t believe you like anime, I thought you were more of a bad boy, you know? Those who party and smoke all day long.

The shorter can help but snicker and laugh, if anything he’s the biggest in-home nerd ever, and his tolerance to alcohol, yet alone smoking is close to none.

–And here I thought you just stood there and were pretty for a living but actually you’re on the top five of our whole campus.

Seongwu hides his face in embarrassment and laughs as well, his laugh loud and weird, but nonetheless really nice to hear.  He steals one of Jonghyun’s dumplings in revenge and sticks his tongue out.

 

They spend the rest of the day together just talking and joking around until Seongwu has to head back to finish some essays for class, so Jonghyun walks him to campus and waves goodbye, sharing numbers and promising to message each other.

It feels nice just like that, and Jonghyun for once isn’t thinking about Minhyun.

  


When he gets back home, later than usual, Minhyun is heating up something in the microwave.

They share a long look before Jonghyun turns to his room to change into something more comfortable. Not like his hoodie and jeans weren’t exactly comfortable, but he’s been wearing them for more than 12 hours and he’s ready to get rid of them. 

The taller sits in the counter and eats his pasta in silence, eyeing Jonghyun move awarkly in the kitchen, trying to find anything edible at all. He tenses up when Minhyun speaks.

–It was your time to go grocery shopping Jjuya.

–Sorry I was out with a friend today I kinda just forgot.

Minhyun eyes his pasta, he’s not even feeling that hungry anymore. He’s just silently moving his fork back and forth.

–With Minki? 

–No. With Seongwu.

Oh. That is new. Minhyun does know Seongwu, Daniel has talked about him and presented him as one of his roomates. Minhyun on the other hand, didn’t like Seongwu. Too straightforward for his liking maybe. The first time he found out he and Jonghyun shared apartments he didn’t stop pestering with questions about him, his preferences, if he was single and even his number.

Minhyun couldn’t stand him at all.

He moves and grabs the pasta plate that is completely untouched, placing it on the fridge silently, Jonghyun looks at him and tries to make eye contact, knowing he is a pretty open book for him to read but the taller just turns around and leaves with no words, leaving Jonghyun speechless on the kitchen. 

He isn’t much the moody person, being all warm smiles and happy eyes, and Jonghyun thinks he’s never really seen him like this. It doesn’t fit him, Minhyun suits better being happy.

 

Even if it’s because of someone else.

 

The shorter finishes eating his dinner in silence and takes a fast shower before heading to his room.

He feels completely exhausted as his thursday lectures were definitely the worst ones in the week, however, today was different.

He grabs his phone and lays down on bed, his screen lighting up with one upcoming message.

_Seongwu_

_im gonna go sleep now dont stay too late playing games grumpy bugi_

He can’t help but smile.

 

 

It’s finally friday and Minhyun wakes up first as usual. His eyes look a little puffy and tired but nothing makeup can’t fix.

He just has afternoon classes that day but he promised Daniel to buy something for a dinner he’s preparing in his apartment. Nothing too fancy, just a casual dinner with his roommates and his boyfriend he says, just to celebrate his thesis got accepted and he would be able to pull through with the project.

It would be a lie to say Minhyun wasn’t happy for his boyfriend, because he loves him to bits but he is not in the mood for celebrations or parties for that matter, however he isn’t selfish enough to bail from that one.

He takes a fast shower and leaves the apartment, the cold air hitting him and making him shiver.

He can see Daniel’s car parked not far from his door so he thanks every gods he knows and runs to it, not willing to stand any other second in the cold air.

  


Jonghyun groans and turns his alarm off, unlike Minhyun he doesn’t have any classes on friday so he can slack off and game all day long.

He forces himself up however, because he _has_ to eat something or else he would sleep all day. 

Unlocking his phone he sees a message from Minhyun as well as from Seongwu, unconsciously he opens Minhyun one first.

 

_Minhyunnie_

_Im gonna go grocery shopping with daniel so if you need something tell me_

_Bugi_

_I need you to break up with daniel and look at me_

 

But he isn’t drunk or insane enough to send that, so he just erases it and sends a simple _k_.

Not really needing anything anyway.

Seongwu though ask to meet up and spend the afternoon together, and since Jonghyun had no other plans except binge watch a new anime he decides to kill two birds with one stone and invite him over. The other complained about watching anime, but complied in the end, because he knows, as long as it is with Jonghyun, he’ll enjoy it.

Minhyun comes during lunch with Daniel and leaves the groceries in the kitchen, the tanner ignores them and keeps his head focused on his phone.

When Daniel leaves Minhyun start to store the groceries, even though it’s not even his turn to do so.

–Do you have plans for today?

–No.

The taller keeps silent and sighs, maybe this afternoon would be good to talk things out then.

He grabs a packed lunch and leaves for his classes, not bothering to wave goodbye, not like Jonghyun would have cared.

 

 

Minhyun classes end later that day, meaning he misses the last bus and has to walk home instead. It’s fine he thinks, it couldn’t be more than a 20 minute walk but the chilly autumn air creeping his way into his bones reminds him why he takes the bus in the first place. 

But he isn’t about to call Jonghyun to pick him, maybe some months ago he would have, and the other would have groaned and cursed but still would have come, but now that wasn’t an option. And Minhyun isn’t really happy about how things are now, he hadn’t had a proper talk with the tanner in weeks, the latter always managing to escape his grasp in some way or another, and as much as he doesn’t want to think much of it, he knows things won’t easily fix this time around. 

He tries to battle those thoughts away and focus solely on the nice cozy coffee shops on the streets, it almost makes him want to get in but he doesn’t have that much money to spend on nice coffee, always settling for an instant coffee back home.

The nice smell of fresh brewed coffee reminds him of Jonghyun though, that’s what he smells like most of the time, it is nice, a faint coffee smell with touches of vanilla and cream, it’s fitting for him, he thinks, not entirely sure why.

His chest hurts again and he tries to hides his face deeper on his soft scarf, carefully placed around his neck. The softness tickles him and he laughs, not too loud, as he still pretty much alone walking on his own, but enough to ease the soreness in his chest. The soreness that came when thinking about him these days.

The rest of the walk is quiet,  he hums softly to any song playing on his phone, in a much better mood than when he initially started his way, music always had this kind of effect on him.

 

To his surprise he arrives much earlier than expected, Jonghyun must be home. It might be a nice opportunity for them to talk and fix things, he’s hopeful, since when did he become this hopeful?

He excitedly opens the door and leaves his shoes and jacket in the entrance, happily walking to the salon.

 

However he’s meet with an unpleasant sight. Technically he has no right or reason to feel unpleasant about it but his sudden heart ache is making him feel all kind of wrong things.

Jonghyun is indeed home, but apparently so is Seongwu, who is cuddling next to him, both long asleep while some random anime plays in the TV.

Minhyun feels jealous, not because he has feelings for Jonghyun, _why would he?,_ but because this is something they used to do all the time. That is of course, until Jonghyun started to act different towards him.

He lets his bag fall onto the floor with a loud thumb, waking and startling both of them in the process.

Before Jonghyun can truly process what’s going on, Minhyun’s intense eyes are on him. Conveying so much that he can’t even read half of it, he looks tense, angry even, and he finds himself swallowing.

–Daniel is gonna make a celebration in his apartment you’re coming right Seongwu?

And is more of a statement than a question, Seongwu though is unaware of the current situation as he nods and cuddles more onto Jonghyun’s side. The shorter pushes him slightly to the side and stands up, his throat feels dry suddenly and he doesn’t know why.

–Do you want to come Jjuya?

He should say no, but Minhyun whole aura looks sad now, and he’s looking at him with so much sadness and need that Jonghyun know he would never be able to deny anything to him.

–Sure.

Before he knows it Daniel is there to pick them up.

 

 

 

It is awkward. At least Jonghyun feels very much out of place. Daniel is talking and laughing loudly with Jisung, one of his roomates, Minhyun is quiet looking at his food and Seongwu just has his head on his shoulders while he drinks some Soju.

It feels a little odd as well because Daniel is completely ignoring Minhyun and his hands have touched Jisung thigh far more times to consider it completely platonic. The shorter sighs and closes his eyes, he’s pissed, he’s pissed at the detached look on Minhyun’s pretty face and at the excessively loud sound of Daniel’s laugh.

He excuses himself to take some fresh air, the balcony is small but enough to fit two persons.

 

_Bugi_

_Meet me in the balcony_

Minhyun compiles, a little too fast, but not because it’s Jonghyun just because he can’t stand to be near his boyfriend right now, or so he tells himself.

 

–Did you know that?

–Know what? 

Minhyun feigns innocence, but he’s hurting, Jonghyun hates the thought.

–Of Daniel and… his friend Jisung. Listen I don’t know Daniel but that was too much.

–You’re right you don’t know Daniel at all.

The taller one turns around to leave but Jonghyun holds him firmly by the wrist. The touch it’s warm and he feels like it’s burning him. He stays unable to look at the other eyes and the hand never leaves his wrist.

–I’m sorry Minhyun i’m a huge idiot. Ignore it.

–What’s wrong between us Jjuya?

 

Jonghyun knows perfectly what he means by that. He knows exactly what are the implications but he can’t help but tense up, heart racing fast. He could tell him, he could say how much he thinks about his lips and kissing him, how often he dreams about pinning him down on his bed and fucking him until Minhyun’s pretty lips call his name, but he’s also not selfish. And he also loves Minhyun too much to confess like this.

–I’m sorry I was… You know work and classes… too much projects I was stressed and I took it out on you. Sorry Minhyunnie.

Minhyun smiles, one of his pretty and radiant smiles that makes the shorter swallow harder, wanting him to reach and grab his face. He smiles back and laugh, raspy and sincere, pulling his hand lower and interlocking their fingers together. This is nice, being with Minhyun always felt nice.

Jisung resurges after a while into the balcony, asking for help as both Daniel and Seongwu are passed out drunk and he needs help carrying them to their rooms.

 

They help Jisung clean the apartment a little after and wave their goodbyes, stepping into the cold as the nights were starting to get colder and colder, at least if Minhyun was freezing, he could sneak closer to Jonghyun now.

 

 

 

Both of them go into old habits. They eat breakfast together, message and send cringey memes, mostly Minhyun though, and when they can, they cuddle and binge watch any of Jonghyun’s stupid animes.

Minhyun’s head is on the others lap, dozing off while the other is immersed in the plot of some romance anime he can’t bother to remember the name.

 

–Are you still watching?

The taller just lefts a soft humm, alike to a yes and that is enough to calm the other. But when Jonghyun’s hand find his way into his hair and caress the soft locks, Minhyun know he won’t last much long awake. The soft caress, his body warmth and the sound of his breathing lures him into a much needed sleep, reminiscence of the first times they met.

 

 

When Minhyun met Jonghyun, they didn’t exactly fit together.

Jonghyun moved from his little town to the capital to study but as he did so, he needed to find a roommate as soon as possible, there was no way the Kim’s family, would have been able to afford a flat for himself and his new work didn’t offer that much money exactly. 

So when this so called nice and clean person emailed him responding he was looking with someone to live with, Jonghyun fastly agreed.

But they were too different, and Minhyun found soon he might have jumped on the first offer he saw a little too rushedly.

 

Jonghyun wasn’t dirty per see, but he wasn't a clean person either. He wasn’t tidy and he definitely didn’t care much about where he left his underwear or dirty dishes. The taller in the other hand couldn’t stand it, every time he tripped over some random manga that was scattered on the ground his blood felt like boiling.

Being a first year college student didn’t give him too much time to maintain a whole apartment clean and do well enough in all his classes so he knew, they had to talk, he wasn’t willing to become some sort of maid for the tanner one.

So after one of Jonghyun’s Starbucks shifts, Minhyun waited for him at the sofa.

They weren’t exactly awkward with each other but they were also fresh 18 years old who had too much of strong personalities to have just a pleasant and adult conversation.

 

–This needs to stop Jonghyun-ah

–What are you talking about?

–The apartment! It’s nasty! You can’t throw your stuff everywhere.

Jonghyun snorted and went straight to the kitchen, grabbing some can of cola and drinking till it emptied, throwing it to the trash and missing it in purpose, completely testing Minhyun out.

However he hadn’t expected that kind of outcome.

 

Minhyun broke down crying, loud and messy. Falling onto the sofa and trying to hide his face in his palms, not wanting to look more pathetic than how he already was.

The shorter panicked, he had just meant to joke with him a little but never intended to make him cry, hell he didn’t even know why he was crying but he felt completely crappy over it.

He ran to the sofa and sat next to him, pulling him on his lap and caressing his hair trying to coax him to stop.

Minhyun did stop weeping after a while, relaxed by the soft and warm hands on his hair. He felt nice even, his skin burning suddenly. 

–I’m sorry Minhyun-ah i’ll promise to clean more I guess.. I didn’t realize I was being too much…

The other nods, and smiles, not really lifting his head from Jonghyun’s lap, he know he must look horrible now.

–Also don’t cry more okay? You’re too pretty to cry.

 

And whatever reason was making his heart race faster than ever, Minhyun didn’t know.

 

 

 

Minki comes loud and happily as ever to work, rocking his new blonde hair, that as always, suited him way too well.

He waves at Jonghyun who’s been already a few hours onto his shift and ignores his manager glares to grab his apron.

–He’s balding more everyday

–To be fair you’re causing him all his stress.

Minki looks somewhat offended, it’s fun to see.

–Whatever! Next week there’s gonna be a party at Aron’s house, you need to come and like bring Seongwu of course, you know, you might finally get laid.

 

And while he and Seongwu got closer in the past weeks, he and Minhyun did go to their usual routine so his heart was conflicted once again.

–Don’t tell me you’re still firm on your stupid Minhyun crush, give it up! I was with Daniel yesterday at the gym, the boy is well packed, in all manners.

–¡Minki I don’t need to know! Besides I’m confident to- Anyway! That’s not the point and I can’t just as easily ignore my crush on Minhyun, i’ve been crushing on him for almost 4 years now…

Minki snorts and acts annoyed, like he was expecting that outcome as per usual.

–That’s exactly _why._ Minhyun is getting some quality dick right now, why don’t you put yours to use? C’mon what are you waiting for! You both want it!

But Jonghyun wasn’t so sure of that. He couldn't deny he was lacking and was somehow needy in the sex or just affection department, but it didn’t feel right, just not with Seongwu or just not now.

He groans and goes back to work, ignoring Minki constants encouragements _Go get it Bugi, get that ass!._

 

Sometimes he wonders why they’re friends.

  
  


As soon as he gets home he gets welcomed by a happy Minhyun, who excitedly jumps on him and drags his arms on his neck. 

–I passed Jjuya! I passed my literature final!

Minhyun is taller than him by a bit but Jonghyun is far more strong so he grabs him and spins him, eventually tripping into something and making them both fall onto the sofa, a mess of limbs and laughter.

–I knew you could do it! That’s why god gave you a big head in the first place right?

Minhyun hits his arm bothered but his pout is replaced soon after as he hides his face on the crook of Jonghyun neck and laughs.

Jonghyun is still on top of him and he lets himself fall deeper into the hug, smelling Minhyun’s usual sweet vanilla shampoo he likes too much.

 

When Minhyun pulls away slightly, his lips are just inches away and Jonghyun can even sense his breath over his. They look intensely at each other for a while not saying anything at all.

Jonghyun feels daring and looks at his lips, when at that exact moment Minhyun darts his tongue out and licks them, and it’s too much at once so he lets him go before he does something stupid.

Minhyun isn’t his afterall and no matter how intensely he feels it won’t change the fact that it’s completely one sided.

 

–Let’s eat something to celebrate yes?

Minhyun stands up trying to regain his breath and nods, heading to the kitchen, and if Jonghyun had stared longer he would have noticed the faint blush on his cheeks.

 

 

 

Even though he hadn’t agreed to go to Minki’s little party, well actually it was Aron’s, Minhyun entered in his room and pulled all the curtains open, grabbing the blankets with him.

–Jjuya! It’s like 3 pm! I know it’s saturday but we all agreed to go to Aron’s party! Besides you can’t laze around on your bed all day!

–Minhyunie I went to sleep at 5 am yesterday.

–Well you shouldn’t play too much games!

He manages to get out the bed and takes a fast shower before Minhyun drags him to help him pick an outfit. And it’s unfair to admit how all looked good on him, but he isn’t about to admit that out loud so he just goes with the one that’s less tight, he doesn’t want to have a hard time tonight, literally.

 

When they’re dressed, the taller forces him to eat anything as they head to Aron’s place to help him set up the whole thing. Minki agreed to come as well but as always he didn’t show up, the bastard.

It takes a few hours to set everything up as it’s going to be quite a big party but atleast Dongho came to help them.

 

When it’s around 9 pm, people starts to fill the place and of course, Jonghyun losses Minhyun not too long after. Being stolen from him by some of his friends from piano class, he apologizes and promises to come back to him at another point when he’s free.

 

Jonghyun can’t help but feel that’s a lie.

 

He hadn’t intended to drink that much, in fact he hadn’t intended to drink at all that night, but after seeing Minhyun on Daniel’s lap while the latter whispers sweet nothings to his ear, he knew that would be the only way to survive the night. 

Jonghyun spends most of the time in the kitchen, away from prying eyes and having full control of the drinks. It’s a good spot he thinks, at least there’s no view of the sofa where Minhyun is and as coward as that sounds he really has no intention of feeling more miserable.

After thirty minutes of silently drinking on the kitchen floor, a half drunk Minki comes with a not much better looking Seongwu, who smiles brightly at Jonghyun’s sight.

He flops off next to him and lies his head on his shoulder, giggling softly, it’s not uncomfortable per se, but it also doesn’t feel exactly right.

–I’m leaving you both alone lovebirds–Minki says while slurring his words, he probably had way too much to drink that night already–Have a cute night and remember use protection.

Seongwu hides his face in his palms and chuckles, Jonghyun takes another drink, he needs it.

 

After what he would presume it’s his fifth drink he doesn’t feel as tense up as before and even the annoying loud thumping of the music seems to fade into the distance. Seongwu is still besides him, laughing and telling him some sort of story, way too close to make it feel platonic, but Jonghyun doesn’t have it in him to care.

Instead he drags him by the hand to the balcony, trying to make his way in the sea of drunk people who seems to be dancing to some sort of fast tempo song in a language he can’t even recognize. He tries his best not to look at the sofa but he does and finds Minhyun alone, staring right into him with an expression he seems not able to read given his current state. However he pushes through and ignores it, walking up the stairs that give to the small second floor balcony.

The air hits him hard against his hot skin but it feels nice, almost refreshing, he lets his body fall onto the floor, forgetting he’s pretty much holding Seongwu wrist, who just falls on top of him with a fit of giggles.

 

–I think I drank too much.

He blurts out honestly, trying to make some distance between him and Seongwu, but the latter seems to have other plans, pulling his shirt closer.

He feels his phone vibrate on his pocket, sitting up he unlocks it and and tries to get some needed space.

Upon seeing Minhyun name pop on the screen he locks it back instantly, turning around and connecting his lips to Seongwu who seems to melt instantly at the touch. The kiss is harsh and desperate, no delicate hands on each other neither soft touches, it screams frustration and anger but Jonghyun seems too away from caring.

Seongwu seems starstruck by the attention, holding onto Jonghyun’s shirt for dear life and pulling him even closer, Jonghyun compails, one because he’s way too drunk and two because he can’t take the image of Daniel’s hand on Minhyun body away from his mind.

Minhyun appears on the balcony after getting his message ignored, and runs to separate them both. He knows Jonghyun is way too drunk and should probably be taken home before he makes any stupid decision he’ll regret.

–What the fuck are you doing?!–Seongwu yells in frustration pushing him away, his face red with anger and unshed tears, due to the alcohol or not, Minhyun can’t tell–Why do you want him only to yourself you selfish slut! You don’t own Jonghyun, you don’t own him!

He bursts crying, falling on the floor and Minhyun calls Dongho, who comes within some minutes and carries him inside despite his protests. Jonghyun silently stares at the scene, not really feeling capable of standing up by himself, his head hurts and the view of Minhyun sitting next to him and caressing his warm cheek bothers him. 

–Let’s go home Jjuya okay? You’re too drunk now.

And for a second he lets himself fall into the fantasy, into Minhyun warm hand on his cheek and soft gaze on him. He’s too close he feels like all the air has been sucked out of his lungs. He places his hand on the other and caress it, circling the soft flesh with his callous fingers. Minhyun smiles at the feeling and lets his head fall onto Jonghyun’s chest, listening his chest heave with his soft breathing.

Somehow it feels right as if the world around them had left, as if it was only them there. Jonghyun lets himself be bold and kisses the top of his head, inhaling the soft vanilla scent from his shampoo, the shampoo he always buys him because it suits him. He closes his eyes and drowns in the feeling, the warmth of the body next to him calming all his senses.

 

But it’s all too good and gone too fast.

 

Daniel appears on the balcony with their jackets, staring at both for a second longer before breaking the silence.

–Let’s go, the car is parked in front, i’ll take you home.

 

Jonghyun pushes Minhyun away and goes down first, feeling much sobered up by now. He runs to the front of the house using all his strength and just waits there, not wanting to see Daniel nor Minhyun any time soon.

When he hears the car unlocked he enters with his head down and prays for a fast car ride.

 

Not noticing Minhyun wiping his tears away and following behind.

 

 

 

Jonghyun doesn’t talk to Minhyun after that. In fact he could say he hadn’t seen the taller in the past 2 weeks.

 

After the party he started to spend the nights at Dongho’s apartment, sneaking to his own apartment to grab some clothes when he knew Minhyun wouldn’t be there.

It’s coward and stupid, as coward and stupid as to ignore all Minhyun’s messages but he doesn’t want to hurt anymore, doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

Seongwu is mad at him, or so he can tell by the boy ignoring him and not looking his way any day. It feels better, he has hurt him enough, and he should move on onto someone better than him, which would be anyone really.

He feels like a complete asshole when he hides upon seeing Minhyun in the campus but he himself is trying to get over it, over his long 4 year crush who is way long overdue.

It’s not as easy as just wishing it though and he finds himself tearing up almost, if not, every night. He misses Minhyun and his pretty laugh and long fingers on his neck but he knows it’s not meant for him, it was never meant for him. And the thought hurts more than helps.

Due to his thesis and all his final projects he finds it rather easy to not think of him that often during the day though, he barely gets any sleep time and most of his conscious time was spent on the library or at work.

Dongho is going through pretty much the same so he doesn’t comment on him sleeping every day at 6 in the morning because chances are, he is doing the same.

 

They set a routine like that, Dongho will make sure not to mention Minhyun and Jonghyun’s thankful for it. Living together wasn’t that bad and sometimes when his sobbings were too loud he other would offer some comfort, even if just in the form of food or some comforting words, it helped.

  
  
  


He’s lying on the sofa scrolling through twitter while the door rings, since it’s not his apartment he doesn’t truly bother to open and after some seconds he can hear Dongho opening. Rambling about got Jonghyun truly does nothing at all in home, he’s not wrong.

Since it was friday night Minki had come after his shift to eat some pizza and drink some soju, old habits die hard he thinks, and even tho he’s not much of a drinker the plan suits his current lifestyle.

Jonghyun’s hasn’t gone out more than the extreme necessary, meaning work or classes he couldn’t miss, so on a good friday with no work shift, it’s an statement to say he had done nothing but spend his day on the sofa. Stained pajamas and messy hair even.

 

–You look disgusting.

Minki comments  while falling next to him on the sofa. Jonghyun laughs, still looking at his phone. He’s come to accept he’s not going through his most handsome phase.

 

–Minhyun isn’t coming right?

Jonghyun can’t help but tense at the name. He tries to act uninterested but he’s not paying any attention to his phone now. Feeling slightly anxious at the thought.

 

–He won’t, I tried to coax him into going out and drinking or just leaving the damm apartment but he’s stubborn.

Dongho sighs and Minki follows. The shorter is curious, he wants to ask but knows he shouldn’t, Minhyun is not part of his life now and he has a cute boyfriend to take care of him. And it’s not like they kept any sort of contact. After the first week of messages and calls Minhyun had given up on trying.

So it wasn’t a lie to say it truly shouldn’t concern him, the simple thought hurts him though.

 

They start eating comfortably like always. Dongho bothering Minki way too much as per usual and snickering all night long. They eat two whole medium pizzas as Minki relates his adventures with his new last fling, they all wonder when will he admit he has a crush on Aron and accept the boy, but knowing how prideful he is, they know it will take long.

–Well! Don’t lecture me, any of us is getting anything though, at least i’m getting some action, not like you four.

Jonghyun frowns, he knows he isn’t in good terms with Minhyun now so Dongho doesn’t really mention him but Minki doesn’t care about that. However it doesn’t make sense as Minhyun is the only one of their group with a stable relationship.

His curiosity gets the best of him and he feels forced to ask.

 

–But Minhyun is dating Daniel right?

Minki laughs and almost chokes on his pizza considering how hard he’s laughing, Dongho makes a disgusted expression as some of the pepperoni flies from his mouth into the table.

–Minhyun broke up with Daniel weeks ago! I think even before the last big party we had at Aron’s. I think he saw him having sex with his roommate or whatever, it was quite the drama, i’m surprised you hadn’t found out.

 

His throat dries up all of the sudden and it all makes sense. Minhyun worried expression while Daniel tried to say something to his ear that night and Minhyun pleading look while he ran up the stairs with Seongwu.

He feels stupid, he’s blamed it all on Minhyun when he hadn’t done nothing wrong, he hurted him and abandoned him when all he ever did was beg him to stay. Realization hitting him hard now.

Jonghyun doesn’t wait any other second before he stands up and runs to the door to grab his jacket and shoes, he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing but he also know what exactly he wants to do right now.

He can hear the voices of Minki and Dongho calling for him in the distance but he’s running too fast for them to catch up.

Jonghyun runs and runs until his breath gives up and he lands on his and Minhyun’s apartment door, loudly crashing onto it.

 

When he stands up Minhyun’s at the door, messy hair, sleepy face and face burrowed in confusion.

 

–Jonghyun?

The shorter one doesn’t wait any second before breaking the distance between them and kissing Minhyun, grabbing with so much force that he feels his hips might bruise tomorrow.

Minhyun does nothing but melt into the kiss, grabbing his neck and letting himself fall onto the other’s warmth.

When they pull for air Minhyun eyes are glossy and his face is still red.

–I love you Minhyun, I’m so sorry I took this long and I’m so sorry that i’m an annoying coward, but I love you so much and i’ve loved you for so long that i never want to give you up again.

 

Minhyun is crying now, unable to hold back the tears before he hugs Jonghyun again, hiding his face in his shoulder and crying loudly, letting all out.

–I was so scared of telling you, I was so scared you would hate me for it, I didn’t want to lose you

Jonghyun hurts at that, at his miserable expression and all the pain he’s had to endure for this long. He kisses every one of his tears away, plastering his face with little kisses.

–It’s okay Minhyun-ah i’m here now okay? I won’t leave you ever I love you.

 

And as always with everything that came with Minhyun it felt right, as what it should always have been. Their bodies fitting perfectly into each other as if being two puzzles pieces that were needed to be put together.

They stay a little more like this until it starts to get too cold to handle. It’s still a pretty cold winter night and they both flop onto the sofa, not willing to let go of the other just yet.

Minhyun pulls apart slightly and grabs Jonghyun’s cheeks, looking at him through glossy eyes and a reddened nose.

–I’m so sorry Jjuya I caused all of this I just thought if I confessed to you I would ruin everything so I tried everything to get over you but in the end I hurted you even more. I’m so sorry I’m-

Jonghyun kisses him again before he can say anything more, tasting the saltiness in his tongue and the tears on his own cheeks.

Because it’s unfair Minhyun’s the one apologizing, not when he screwed up so much in so little time, not when he unfairly abandoned him like this.

–I was a completely idiot and I admit I was too jealous of Daniel to even be able to face you… I thought this would be for the best and you would only need him but it’s finally now that I realized I hadn’t consider your feelings at all, i’m seriously the biggest dumbass.

Minhyun laughs through his tears and kiss him again, nothing more than a soft peck but it conveys so much feelings and emotions that Jonghyun thinks he might be getting an actual taste of heaven on earth.

 

And they aren’t perfect by any means, just two idiots who need to work on all their flaws and insecurities but as Jonghyun sees the taller rest his head on his chest when they sleep, he knows there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

 

He kisses the top of his head and let the soft smell lure him to sleep.

 

_I’m home._


End file.
